My heart is cold
My hands search for my chest.
I feel nothing but emptiness
And saddened, by the
Thoughts
Feelings,
Warmth,
Of you disappearing.
Two years later… Someone different… Something so much stronger… And I can feel it all over again…
Third times a charm.
Maybe it’s an official strike out in this love game thing.
But I’m fine. I’m a little fragile, although this is doable.
Feeling my way through this dark time, enjoying the silence, but my spark is still lingering within.
2021 with the same feeling… You were slipping away, but you found your way back to me.
This is the love I deserve. The love you’ve been looking for
The love that’s too precious to let it go.
I’m finding my way back to myself with you by my side. I love you more than ever before. Your warmth, your vulnerability, your touch, your heart and soul.
Maybe this is the last time I’ll ever have a hint of this feeling again.
I just need you to hold me, and tell me this is going to be okay..
I can’t even take my own words and use them in this situation.
I don’t believe everything will be okay.
Just need to hear them from you, in your arms..
As I sit outside, on my back porch couch, I think of all the things I’ve desired in my life.
To find a good book.
To watch the sunsets every morning.
To make the perfect cup of coffee.
To feel at ease.
To find myself in the simple things in life.
To have a good conversation.
To take the best nap.
To hold something that has sentimental value.
To keep myself occupied from all the thoughts in my head.
To hug someone and knowing it feels so right.
To show how capable I am of being as normal as anyone else.
To be able to hold myself together when inside, I’m a complete wreck.
To see how much I can make someone smile.
To find someone who fits me.
To love someone so perfectly, imperfect.
To sit on a bed, and remember all the things that happened the previous night.
To hold someone’s hand, and believe it’s the most beautiful sensation I’ve ever felt.
To hear, “I love you” from the voice who makes my whole soul quiver.
To feel loved.
To feel secure.
To feel important.
To feel alright.
To just feel okay.
To just feel anything but this empty hole in my chest.
To just feel like me again.
To wake up alone.
To spend my time locked away in my room.
To make my coffee, without one word said to anyone.
To sit outside, and ponder my thoughts about my future.
To shower with only music playing.
To lay down in my towel, without the fear of anyone walking in.
To talk to myself when I make a mistake.
To never ask for advice from the people around me.
To be in a place full of people, and still keep my thoughts to myself.
To feel
Alone.
